So I know last week that I said I was going to go on a hiatus from the blog for a bit as I didn’t feel it was right to run a WLS blog while in treatment for a relapse of binge eating disorder. However I’ve had a few people encourage me to continue writing my blog while I go through treatment. I think I will as it could help someone out there in a similar situation. I know I’m not the only one out there suffering. WLS doesn’t fix your head, I was doing fine, losing weight, and had my disordered eating under control for a long time. However with all the stress I went through last year with my kidney failure, anemia, and then the onset of fibromyalgia, my disordered eating made a reappearance and has caused some regain along with the 5 months of Prednisone treatment. But because I refuse to give up on my journey, I am starting treatment to get my eating and life back on track. I will get to my goal even if it means starting over from square one. I am the little engine that could, I refuse to give up on my goal.
So I will blog about my experiences during treatment and share more information on what exactly binge eating disorder (BED) is. I am entering an intensive outpatient program (IOP) for the next six weeks, it’s three days a week for three hours a day. The IOP is geared just for BED. I had my assessment today at a place called The Emily Program which is a Minnesota-based nationally recognized eating disorder program with locations in Minnesota, Washington and Ohio. They determined the IOP would be the best bet for me to tackle my issue, I start this upcoming Thursday.
Lastly tonight I will share what BED is. BED describes individuals who engage in repeated episodes of binging on food, but do not regularly use an inappropriate compensatory mechanism such as purging or over-exercise. The term “binge” can be described as eating a larger amount of food than most individuals would eat in a discrete period of time and feeling a concomitant and loss of control. Now you may wonder how I can binge eat and have had gastric bypass, well at two years out I do not feel anymore restriction in my pouch so I am capable of overdoing it very easily now. A binge eating episode typically lasts around two hours, but some people binge on and off all day long. Binge eaters often eat even when they’re not hungry and continue eating long after they’re full. They may also gorge themselves as fast as they can while barely registering what they’re eating or tasting. People struggle with feelings of guilt, disgust, and depression. They worry about what the compulsive eating will do to their bodies and beat themselves up for their lack of self-control. They desperately want to stop binge eating, but feel like they can’t. Binge eating may be comforting for a brief moment, but then reality sets back in, along with regret and self-loathing. Binge eating often leads to weight gain and obesity, which only reinforces compulsive eating. The worse a binge eater feels about themself and their appearance, the more they use food to cope. It becomes a vicious cycle: eating to feel better, feeling even worse, and then turning back to food for relief.
These past several months I have turned back to food for comfort. The overwhelming stress of the past year has gotten to me. I know what I’m doing in bad for my body, but at the time I am eating it makes me feel better, only for me to be devastated later that I am doing this to myself. That is why I decided I needed help this time. I have lost control, but hopefully not for long.